The Most Epic Menu in the World (for English Speakers)

My rommate and I had stayed at a second hostel in Beijing which was very close to Tiananmen square.  This area is a maze of alleyways and lanes which are lined with all sorts of cute little stores and merchants trying to peddle all kinds of merchandise.  One of these places was a rather plain but nice restaurant just down the road from our hostel.  When the waitress handed us a menu we could not believe how thick it was.  Suddenly, a loud outburst of laughter caught us by surprise from a group of people, also foreigners, a few tables away from us.  They were a group of perhaps English or Australians who were doubling over in laughter and they were pointing at the menu.  Their laughter was not just light petty laughter, you know the kind that is short-lived after hearing a decent joke- no- this was the kind of laughter that has the victim struggling to breathe, clutching their sides, writhing in pain in the stomach region, and howling all over the place.  We opened up the menu and discovered the source of their laughter.  We soon joined in.  The poor waitress looked extremely confused and possibly offended by our outrageous laughter.

"Blow up hairtail with no result"

 "The hemp rolls a self-sufficient and strategically located region into a ball"

 "Self restraint pumpkin cake"

 "The winter mushroom fertilizes the cattle boiler"

 "Humble cottage sauteed bullfrog in chili sauce"

"Fermented soya beans juice, the incense are ruthless, the hemp is ruthless, green pepper pickled Chinese cabbage"